๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ญ๐ฌ, ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฒ | ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐ข๐ป๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ
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๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ต
A leader told me recently,
"I know I should give her more direct feedback. But she's one of my best people and I don't want to risk losing her."
So they stayed quiet.
And six months later, she left anyway.
Not because of the feedback she got.
Because of the feedback she didn't.
This is the paradox I see constantly in financial services leadership:
The thing leaders avoid to protect trust is the exact thing that destroys it.
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๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐'๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด
Leaders are holding back constructive feedback because they fear damaging the relationship.
But employees sense the gap.
They know when they're not getting the full picture.
Silence doesn't feel like kindness.
It feels like distance.
Or worse, like being written off.
The trust erosion is slow and invisible.
Until they leave "out of nowhere."
I call this ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ถ๐น๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ง๐ฎ๐
, the hidden cost of feedback leaders don't give.
It compounds quietly.
And you pay it all at once when someone resigns.
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๐ช๐ต๐ "๐๐ฒ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ก๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ" ๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐
Withholding feedback isn't neutral.
It sends unspoken messages:
โ "I don't think you can handle it."
โ "I've already decided you won't change."
โ "You're not worth the discomfort."
Employees don't need comfortable leaders.
They need honest ones.
The leaders who retain top talent aren't the ones who avoid hard conversations.
They're the ones who've earned the right to have them โ because they've proven their feedback comes from investment, not judgment.
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๐ ๐ฆ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ฒ๐ป๐
Here's a system I use with leaders who want to make feedback feel natural, not like an event, but like a rhythm.
๐ญ๏ธโฃ ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฑ๐๐น๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ญ:๐ญ๐
Set biweekly meetings with a standing agenda: career development, wins, and areas for growth.
When feedback is expected, it stops feeling like an ambush.
๐ฎ๏ธโฃ ๐ฃ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ถ๐ป๐๐
Write down what you want to address before the conversation.
Clarity creates confidence. Winging it creates avoidance.
๐ฏ๏ธโฃ ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐ด๐ผ ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฟ๐๐
Ask: "Where do you think you need support? Where are you excelling?"
Self-awareness changes the tone of the entire conversation.
If they name the issue before you do, you're no longer delivering criticism, you're reinforcing their own insight.
๐ฐ๏ธโฃ ๐๐๐ถ๐น๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐น๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป
If they raise the same issue you noticed, reinforce it and add your perspective.
This turns feedback into collaboration, not correction.
๐ฑ๏ธโฃ ๐๐ถ๐น๐น ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ด๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ณ๐๐น๐น๐
If something important is missing, frame it as an observation:
"I want you to succeed here, and I see an opportunity for growth in X."
When you show up as a coach instead of a critic, feedback becomes expected, not feared.
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๐๐ณ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ง๐ฟ๐ ๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐
Start small this month.
Notice where you've been holding back feedback with someone on your team.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I say it?
Then ask: What's already happening because I haven't?
The cost of silence is rarely visible until someone's already gone.
If you want a simple tool to keep this system handy, I put together a one-page guide called The Feedback Conversation Starter.
It includes the 5-step rhythm, phrases that build trust instead of defensiveness, and a quick prep checklist for before and after the conversation.
You can download it here:
โhttps://creatyl.com/butrflie813/products/1057/access-my-feedback-conversation-starterโ
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๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฝ ๐๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐'๐ฑ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ฒ๐
๐ฝ๐น๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ป๐ฒ๐
๐?
Just hit reply. I read every response.
To your success,
Rene Madden
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